在过去的一年里，没有多少规划可以让常青树消失。Taxus从我家前面。I couldn't stand the shrub and dreamed of a wildlife-friendly assortment of fruiting and flowering bushes and woodland wildflowers in its place.
然后是我的猫，布鲁斯死亡。The Taxus had nothing to do with it,但我消除了对植物的悲伤。Bruce and I had spent 18 years together,inseparable best friends,一起周游全国，从缅因州到新墨西哥州。Finally,他满足了，甚至在肯塔基州定居下来也松了一口气。Some of his happiest days were sniffing around the spicebush and wild plums in our forest-like backyard.
Over the past few years,布鲁斯的健康下降了，and my attention as his caregiver increased.Kidney,blood pressure and heart issues resulted in blindness and a hefty medication regimen,它发展成每日皮下液体。Bruce was full of a feisty spirit in his healthiest of heydays and also during his terminal illness.他的去世留下了一个巨大的空白，他的性格曾经充满了勇气。At the same time,我自己的精力和焦虑与照顾他的需要突然之间没有出路。
I paced the floor,每件事和每个人都很恼火，不可安慰的Then I saw it.ThatTaxus,leering by the window.我知道该怎么做。我抓起砍刀把它砍掉，肢体以肢体为单位After I had succeeded in whacking away greenery into a grotesque sculpture of naked branches,我拿了一把往复锯，把它们锯成了树桩。
I've always been a cautious and conscientious gardener,有些人可能会说胆怯。但这是另一种体验。It was so satisfying to take control,change my environment and clear out a toxic presence.当我准备杀死那些植物时，我心里产生了一些罪恶感。我打算为野生动物创造一个和平的空间，and I decided to keep the Taxus branches as a decorative addition to another project in the backyard.我不想浪费在风景上，这更像是纠正不平衡，把生活转变成另一种形式。
一旦灌木被清除，我精疲力竭，几个星期都不理睬它。It was November,and the weather was not good for gardening.不管怎样，我对前院的事没有一个确切的计划。All that had come of a year of daydreaming were a few plants sitting in pots awaiting a decision on their placement.I asked my partner for his leniency and patience as I rested,grieved and eventually found creative strength again.
Clearing the space had opened up room for ideas,and inspiration began to trickle in from all directions.第一次，I could allow my imagination to fill in the yard with plants that I wanted around me.参观了一个植物园，我看到了一个儿童园，里面种满了以动物命名的植物。A favorite book,,The Medicine Wheel Garden: Creating Sacred Space for Healing,庆典与宁静由E。Barrie Kavasch,提醒我疗伤花园是人类最古老的传统之一。Soon,I knew the theme of the garden would be Bruce's Memory Garden.寒冷winter nights spent watching gardening showsreminded me of Bruce and his little quirks,and I scribbled notes as I watched.
下面是我为布鲁斯记忆花园列出的一些植物：buttonbush，because he had a habit of chewing buttons off of shirts when he was cuddling up on my lap (and swallowed at least one).Ninebark因为这只富有弹性和冒险精神的猫至少活了九条命。Roses,for the claws,甜蜜和治愈心灵的品质。Pussy willow,为了猫爪的柔软。Wild plum,because Bruce was especially fond of one plum tree in the backyard where he would regularly visit and set his nose against the bark for some deep scent investigation.Bleeding hearts,for their tender beauty and a reminder of Bruce's big but fragile heart.St.约翰的麦汁，用于开鲜艳的黄花和提神药，like a warm,在我身边呼喊着朋友。
几个星期过去了，假期来了又去了，然后一月份一个随机的50度的天气促使我做出了减少红豆杉数量的相同决定。I stood in the middle of the yard and sensed the shape that the memory garden could take.再一次，I set an intention to bring the right plants here that would honor Bruce's memory,与景观相适应，提供美丽和野生动物栖息地。I measured,草图，double-checked specifics on my plant list,做了一个粗略的记忆花园设计，并与我的合作伙伴讨论。当我们达成协议时，我把树叶耙成清晰的小路，做成圆形的花园床。Finally,I planted two dormant shrubs—the buttonbush and ninebark (pictured below)—that had been patiently waiting in containers for their roots to have a home.
As I look out my window above the newly planted beds,insulated with piled-up fallen leaves,我看到新生活已经在调查我所做的改变，在小路上嗅来嗅去，（到目前为止）让那些枝繁叶茂的年轻移植者独自呆着。The buttonbush and ninebark might not survive,and that's OK.值得一试，and it helped me feel capable of taking a risk and hoping for the best.如果它们真的茁壮成长，我很快就会被生活的乐趣继续存在的证据所包围，不会忘记一段深情而有意义的友谊，伴随着我走上这条路。